my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
