I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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