Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
