so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
