So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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