the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
