did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
