Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
