and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sext me about skeletons
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
