I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
