Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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