Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I love you. Go after that dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
