I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
