I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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