where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
