is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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