sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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