That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
high people should be assigned attendants
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
