and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
