That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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