i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
