I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
