I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
