I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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