I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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