Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
