the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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