Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
