i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
