just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
