There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
