i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
