Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
