First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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