just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
