I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
