ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
