Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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