It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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