I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
