So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
