I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
