Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
