They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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