dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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