i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
