sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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