also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
