I like to think it a success when the cops are called
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
