I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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